Derailed

This is great! I’m doing really well! I’m positive! I have another tough day ahead of assignment work but I’m planning some yoga to fit in. It is my last yoga sesh for a few weeks as I can’t start another subscription till then.

For the 2nd day in a row I’m not wearing my hiding clothes. I’m sure the law students that live in our study zone must wonder if I own any other clothes. I have been interchanging between my 2 sets of favourite baggy sports pants and my oversized sports hoodie. Ok they desperately needed washing so I had to break into something else. My jeans yesterday and today I even wore a skirt! Yes, a skirt with coloured stockings. Deep purple stockings under my black glittery skirt. The plan was to match with boots and I was actually gathering up a little pride. A sense of control.

“I’ve got this day! I can do this”

Until my plans came to a crashing halt.

A sick child will do that. It called being a parent. The amount of roles I carry sometimes just don’t run on the same track.

I’m furious…Livid..Resentful…and freaking scared.

How am I going to control my eating now that my plans have been changed? I don’t deal well with this. I was not prepared at all to have to stay in my house today. I had my food planned for the day and I had a strategy.

Derailed.

I tried so hard to keep on the tracks. Every time I took a detour I consulted the map, I tried to get back but there was many turns and I lost my way. Sometimes I made it back quickly…other times I found myself in a fiery pit.

Now I’m defeated. Lying in bed still struggling. A little hunger tormenting my being. Early night it will be. I have given up on this windy day.