1st day of my holidays; eating pizza and chocolate for breakfast.
SLIGHT RED FLAG PERHAPS???
Now I feel sick. I was looking for comfort, I forgot that holidays does this to me. Sudden slump. As a teacher I’m sure I’m not alone that your mantra becomes one of “keeping it together till the holidays”.
So now I face the demon. The thoughts creep in about shame, purging, compensating exercise. I need to do something to fix this so I can start again.
The battle is on: No, I don’t want to purge. I want to be healthy. But this isn’t healthy. I feel so awful. So big. I need to make myself smaller. My face is all patchy. I have to do something about this.
Recovery wins: I just need to get through these first moments. I’ll address this a bit later when I’m not so distressed.
The action: have a shower, wash my hair, brush my teeth.
Feeling a little better, I notice some nice aroma in my room, coming from an essential oil. It reminds me I’ve been turning to food and alcohol lately more and more to deal with my emotions relying on the sense of taste to numb or calm. Where did my other strategies go? The other senses? Time to increase the music to my ears and essential oils to my nose.
The distress has lessened now. I can deal with recovery more wisely in this frame of mind.