The telltale sign of going MIA on your blog

I’ve been in blog hiding. Avoiding. I mean, what can I articulate when I’m not even sure?

When I’m blog hiding I’ve put it down to 2ish possible reasons.
1) I’m flat out busy living without the immediate cathartic need to blog
2) I’m engaging more in disordered behaviours and feel like I cannot bring positivity to the blogging world

I thought it was 1) for a while. I filled up my life (yet again, when will I learn?) with new and current commitments. Filled it to the brim. Over spilling but I was surfing on top. I got this. I’m achieving. I’m loosing weight. But I’m oh so healthy. I’m doing this the right way!! It’s even curing my eating disorder. I was going so well. Until I wasn’t.
Here’s the thing with eating disorders. You think you have them nailed and then one day you turn around and the nails have fallen out.
The last week has reminded me that I may be at 2). Today it has accumulated into the constant surveillance. Some behaviours seem too hard to resist. Mood is low and fearful. Conflict and war in my head.
Agony resides but I’m letting it be. Laying down my hammer for today. I’m too tired to work.

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9 responses to “The telltale sign of going MIA on your blog

  1. hellokalykitty

    Ed is sneaky. You get from #1 to #2 without really realizing it. *hugs*. Realizing the issue is the first step back to a better path.

  2. I’ve been falling victim to this as well. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re not back at square one, this is just a set back and we are all still here for you, not judging. Whatever your method for trying to overcome this it’s never going to be an overnight success. The success comes in finding it quicker and easier to realise you’re falling and getting back on track with less hesitation.

  3. “I’m engaging more in disordered behaviours and feel like I cannot bring positivity to the blogging world”
    I feel this constantly—it’s a relief to hear someone else say it. Thank you for your post.

    • You’re welcome 52 😉
      I’m both excited and scared to read your last blog. I don’t want it to end. The last one had the birth of hope and it left me excited and hopeful for you. Do you feel pressure for the last letter? Do you pretend it’s not the last letter to remove any influence? I can’t imagine how you must be feelin and what you must be thinking!!

      • I read something today in a Lydia Davis short story that voiced exactly what I am feeling: “I continued to observe the world. I had a pair of eyes, but no longer much understanding, and no longer any speech. Little by little my capacity to feel was going. There was no more excitement in me, and no more love. Then spring came. I had become so used to the winter that I was surprised to see leaves on the trees…”

      • 🙂 Yes. I remember a month or two ago feeling little anxiety and a great deal of excitement. I hadn’t had day release from the fear prison for a very long time. My baseline had become fear. My normal had become anxious. To experience freedom for consecutive days was enough to restore hope and leap towards it. “Let it go, let it go… Can’t hold it back anymore”

  4. hellokalykitty

    Just wanted to let you know I nominated you for the liebster award :). Details can be found on my latest post “liebster no 2 !!!!!”

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