The blogging gets put off till when you have time to ‘get it right’ because ‘what’s happened is so big’ … But time just gets eaten away.
A lot like food actually. Hello to the new reality of trying to find balance.
Here’s the progress within the last month or two:
* I haven’t logged a meal of calories for over a month and am not counting them constantly
* I am not logging my exercise of calories burned
* I am not exercising in excess
* I forgot to weigh myself one week
These are huge accomplishments! This is the stuff that my whole world was functioning on… And I am doing without.
I. Am. Doing. It!!
It’s early days I know.
ED was screaming at me tonight. To purge. I’ve eaten a lot the last few days and mini binged tonight. Having to tolerate the emotions, thoughts and sensations is freaking difficult…. But I’m reminding myself of the benefits of recovery. I have been connecting more deeply with my family. I am watching TV again. I am sleeping more, not forcing myself to the gym even when I needed more sleep.
I have leapt over a large hurdle and am perhaps even scared to look back. This is new. Being more scared of the disorder rather than the recovery? I feel like if I look back I’ll be sucked straight into the blackened disordered darkness. I just need to keep moving right now. Keep walking and switching on all the lights.
Keep it light. Keep it bright.