The weight of recovery

Want to weigh.
High urge.
“Ill be ok of I weigh won’t I? Because I’m in a good head space wanting to recover”

Stop.

What’s the purpose of weighing? What do I want to know?

I want to know if I’ve lost weight. I feel lighter and skinnier and I want to see if I am according to the scales. Omg. How dumb is that? What does it matter what the scales say? Why does that need to determine whether I ‘feel’ lighter? If it does say I’m lighter I will get a sense of achievement and satisfaction in that. The weight loss will bring reward. And I don’t want to reward ED behaviors!!! I might be tempted to restrict more and get more rewarded OR swing the other way and eat more because I have lost weight so now I can.

Either way it may affect my eating pattern.

If it says I haven’t lost, I will be confused and disappointed and angry at myself. I may be tempted to restrict to ‘fix’ this or feel so hopeless at the situation that I’ll over eat or binge and then all the emotions recycle down that path too.

Either way it may affect how I eat and see myself.

The purpose of weighing is just to keep track of my bodies reaction to eating not to determine how I eat. So no, do not weigh now.

Tomorrow is weighing day and I’ll read this again just before I weigh to remind me of its purpose.

Now I see how much time this recovery thing takes; to have to stop and take so long with one thought, to then continue with the day.

The more I do this, the more automatic the helpful thoughts will be and the less time it will take.

Just keep it up now.

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3 responses to “The weight of recovery

  1. Wow, I am very impressed with your chain of thought and your strength to not weigh yourself for the “wrong” reasons. Did you give yourself a massive pat on the back for being so awesome?! Thank you for sharing this experience, it helped me see a few things clearer myself. xx

    • Thank you!!! Yes, I was extremely proud of myself. I just got off the scales and have lost another kilogram (2.2lbs). I recognize my joy in this, I start thinking about continuing the loss. So now the mind battle begins again and making efforts to planning meals with maintenance not restriction in mind. Xo

      • Ah, I never used to weigh myself or be concerned with my weight until they started to weigh me in rehab. Afterwards I went through a period of being very concerned with my weight, not really trying to lose it but restricting my meals and being excited when the kgs dropped. My solution to this: do not weigh. I have moments like you described in this post – I feel great about my body and really comfortable, and then I am tempted to weigh – and I really try to not. If the numbers please me I feel good, if they don’t I feel upset, and I just don’t want to be dependent on numbers. It sounds like you are on a good path, and this might be the ED sneaking back in. Try to stay strong and stay of the scales, and remember to celebrate your awesomeness!
        I’m glad to read that you were proud of yourself. xx

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