ED is now Everyone Decided.
I have been very careful not to use the word ‘MY’‘ in front of ED or eating disorder, as I personally found that was a reflection of my identity in it. It reinforced the idea that it was mine and the result was that no one could take it from me.
That ‘my’ ED became a part of my being and once an identity is bonded and reinforced over and over, it’s very hard to let go.
ED can take the form of ‘friend’. It’s there all the time and can give you a sense of achievement in loss. It’s isolation then becomes more comforting and increases its mistaken friendship presence.
When I participate in eating disordered behaviors I now know , after extensive research, I am participating in a perception issue. It’s symptoms are of a society messed up with unhealthy ideals of how people ‘SHOULD’look, act and feel.
Don’t get me wrong on that it’s entirely a choice and only created by culture. The eating disorder is a symptom of other core issues, but it is perpetuated by hegemony, and I need to step out.
ED I will now abbreviate to Everyone Decided.
This is not me.
I want to change my perception and look at it differently. That if I’m participating in eating disordered behaviors, then I’m agreeing to what Everyone Decided I should look like.
I do not agree with that.
I agree with being healthy. That I need to nourish my body, mind and soul to be healthy and as I read in one of my fave books (referenced below) “let the fat fall where it may”.
Scary and foreign to think this way, yet ultimately will allow me to live a full , meaningful and positive life.
I want to smile easily again. I want to find the exuberance I used to have. I want to be fully present in my children’s lives and not miss those important conversations that become part of the journey that weave their own sense of self worth.
I want freedom and suspect the cycles of fight and surrender that lie ahead are going to be hell.
It’s totally worth fighting for.
Here’s to another day of focusing on overcoming ED, what Everyone Decided.
HIGHLY Recommended reading… Ok a MUST READ: Health at every size; The surprising truth about your weight, by Linda Bacon.