Say the words…. “I’m in recovery”

I have wanted to blog in the last couple of weeks and have not.
Why?
Because I felt like I was stepping back in recovery and I felt like a failure.
Recovery. I have had an aversion to using those words in the past. Like I haven’t been sick enough to warrant using the word recovery, or I have been more sick in the past, this is just me tweaking issues.
Recovery.
I recently relapsed a little on the ED recovery. I knew I needed some motivation. I have the knowledge on how to do this and generally the steps involved. So why was I not doing the things to make me well? Help me! Why was I unwillinging? I set out on trying to find a biography for someone who has recovered from an ED. I stayed away from the anorexia stories because I know this triggers me into restricting. Whoa did I find what I was looking for! I am 3/4 through a book called sensing the self. Women’s stories on recovery from bulimia. Written by a therapist but with her communicating the recovery of her patients. The best of both worlds! I read the first page and a half and had to put the book down, firmly close the cover and swiftly push it away. Instant connection and this was just the introduction. A journey of the why this develops. The practical and emotional moments of recovery. An authentic look at what it means to recover.
And now I can say the words
“I’m in recovery”
The admission of this helps me to reach for it. The necessity has been spelled out. The seriousness of prioritizing each step, not skipping the ones I’m most uncomfortable or panicked about.
I have been reborn into recovery. Which means I may have to blog more to help me make sense of it all in the struggle, make concrete the path to wisdom. Peace out xo

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2 responses to “Say the words…. “I’m in recovery”

  1. Blog as much as you need, we’re all here to support if we can x

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